Spooky Dolly Comments on the Allegra Doodle Situation
Spooky Dolly has been silent for many years. At last, she speaks.
“What’s also troubling and more than a little disturbing,” mentioned Spooky Dolly, “is that a grown woman could and would assemble this bizarre and somewhat creepy tableau on her kitchen table in a matter of minutes.”
“True that,” said Angel, “not to mention that something must be done. The floors are unswept, the windows are frightful. Until this Allegra Salamander Doodle business is resolved, nothing is going to get done around here.”
“Earlier we saw the poor thing sitting all alone on the stairs,” added Mooser. “You know, after the actual winner’s doodle was revealed. She was literally sobbing.”
“Not an attractive sight at all,” said Angel. “One would never catch me crying so brokenly.”
“Admittedly, the Allegra Caffeine Gnome is a one-of-a-kind masterpiece that will one day be described as a one-of-a-kind masterpiece—and it was legitimately won by that one blogger named Sarah, who has generously shared it on her awesome blog so that netizens around the Net may view it and stop whatever else they were doing to smile, let out a giggle, and feel joyful and inspired,” replied Spooky Dolly. “Nonetheless, you can’t cry, Angie dear, because you don’t actually have a face. But your point is taken.”
Despite being offended at her friend’s insensitive coda-positioned comment, Angel set aside her injured feelings in the interests of the important matter at hand.
“Let’s call this meeting to order,” she said, briskly. “Are we all here?”
“L.G. was running a few minutes late—oh, there he is now,” said Mooser.
“Hi all,” said L.G., a little out of breath. “That’s quite the climb.”
“The way I see it,” Spooky Dolly continued, in her rather bossy way, “is that either we lock her in the pantry for a fortnight . . . or we find a way to help the noble cause.”
“Sorry to interrupt, but could someone pass the sugar?” L.G. asked politely.
“All in favor of the proposed Salamander Initiative?” asked Spooky Dolly.
“Whoa, uh-oh, ahhhhh . . .” was heard before anyone could really answer.
“It is always so awkward when this happens,” whispered Angel.
Everyone sat quietly for a few moments.
Finally Mooser said, “He will probably be in there for a while, so why don’t we just come back to him a little later? Sorry to be in a hurry, but I need to pop out and sign up for a new Writing and Yoga Workshop, and I don’t want to miss the early bird rate.”
Fairly confident that L.G. would agree that pulling out all the stops to obtain the elusive Allegra Salamander Doodle would be the best course of action, they talked for some time about how to aid the mission.
“This artist otherwise known as heylookawriterfellow might be a reasonable fellow,” suggested Mooser. “Couldn’t one of us just go talk to him?”
“He lives far away, in the land of New Jersey,” lamented Angel, “so that wouldn’t be as easy as you might think.”
L.G. popped out of the sugar bowl to mention that intel indicated the doodler had a second home in the country of Facebook.
“Might be doable to suss out this Facebook place,” he said, brushing a speck of sugar off his chin. “The geography is fairly public.”
They all looked to Spooky Dolly for an answer.
Spooky Dolly was quiet for an uncomfortably long time.
Finally she spoke.
“We need an emissary,” she said, “one who can travel to this land of Facebook and convince the artist otherwise known as heylookawriterfellow to doodle a salamander for the poem our mistress is writing for the SpeakEasy 16 event on April 12 at 2 p.m. at Mount Baker Theatre that will encourage the wee children of Whatcom County to write and read poetry. It will be a journey filled with great peril and possibly a trying number of rhyming couplets, and the one selected may not return as a main character, if at all.”
The rest of them looked at themselves and each other in dismay, secretly worried they might be the one expected to go.
Then they had a better idea.
“Oh, hell no! Not to mention that you all seriously creep me out.”
As usual, after several moments of thoughtful and uncomfortable silence, Spooky Dolly arrived at a strategy.
“Go on, take it. There’s more where that came from. Now, do we understand each other?”
“Yes,” said the so-called ‘mutt,’ “but there are conditions. Number one, only wholly organic, grain-free snacks for this gig. And, my name is Chlöe, with a diacritic over the ‘O’ because it looks cool.”
Spooky Dolly nodded her silent assent.
At this point, Spooky Dolly did not interrupt, even though two items had already been enumerated per the aforementioned.
“. . . you will never again in my presence, I mean never ever ever ever, twist that key in your back. The incredibly spooky and tinny tune that emits from the cheap speaker in your midriff creeps me out even more than you creep me out.”
Here it seemed that Spooky Dolly was at a loss for words, and possibly her feelings were hurt, because she of course thought her music was music to the ears, even those of a mutt.
Still stinging from Spooky Dolly’s earlier comment, Angel was secretly glad at Dolly’s discomfort. Glad enough that she did not mention the possibility of spies listening in through the window that was actually a mirror.
Finally, Spooky Dolly said, “Okay.”
Preparations were made, and the brave canine said good-bye to all and set off on a probably scary journey for the mysterious land of Facebook to ask the artist otherwise known as heylookawriterfellow to doodle a salamander so that the children of Whatcom County might be merrily inspired to write and read poetry.
“Good luck, brave emissary of the cause!” said all, as the canine set out to brave the first crossing of great waters that lay between here and there.
Want to know what happens next? Well, this plot line is interactive and could go south rather quickly. You can possibly affect the outcome, so for heaven’s sake, help! To play and laugh yourself silly like the rest of us around here have been doing all week, simply join this disorganized effort to bug this guy enough to possibly get a salamander doodle for SpeakEasy 16, a special event on April 12 at Mount Baker Theatre to encourage kids in Whatcom County to write and read poetry! The popular SpeakEasy series was created by Pacific Northwest poet Luther Allen.
How to play Let’s Bug Mike Allegra Until He Might Give In and Doodle Us a Salamander:
1) All in the name of good fun and poetry for the kids of Whatcom County, overwhelm his Facebook page with courteous pleas for a salamander doodle. Example: Mike, ppppllllleeeaaaasssseee draw a salamander for the kids of Whatcom County.
2) Overwhelm the writer fellow’s Blog Comments with additional polite pleas for a salamander doodle. Example: Ditto.
3) Repeat steps 1 and 2 whenever your boss isn’t looking.
3.a) Unless your boss is playing too. Then lend them your laptop when you go to lunch.
4) Like the Facebook page of the the artist otherwise known as heylookawriterfellow to somewhat compensate for being so annoying.
Hint #1: Be prepared to leave town quickly in case he becomes extremely annoyed and calls our parents or sends a note home with our teacher.
Hint #2: Carry band-aids to paste over any virtual flesh wounds incurred during online bouts of gentle wit. Warning: We are up against a seasoned and quick-witted children’s book author and illustrator. Poets may have a slight edge over prose writers in skirmishes where Dr. Seuss is alluded to, but take your best shot anyway. Be brave, comrades. This is for a salamander doodle.
Hint #3: To date, the writer fellow has been offered cold, hard cash and warm, hot waffles to no avail. Anyone got any other ideas that won’t get us kicked out of a children’s poetry event?
New to the it-sure-seemed-like-a-good-idea-at-the-time-and-this-is-really-fun-but-possibly-quite-hopeless Salamander Project?
Click the pics to view: The Backstory
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I hope you’re spending as much time on your poem as you are conjuring up ways to stalk and harass me.
Dear Mr. heylookawriterfellow, at this juncture, I will quote from a beautifully written and illustrated children’s book that could teach us all a lot about stuff: “I am not going to go away,” Sarah said. “Therefore the president might as well do as I ask.”
I have this quote pasted over my typewriter.
I do love your book!
Ok, Laurel. Here’s what I wrote on Mike’s FB page:
Shirley’s Sad Tale
There once was a doodler from Jersey,
Who thought Laurel and friends were unworthy
Of earning a doodle—
No, NOT of a poodle,
Of a cute salamander named Shirley.
Mike – Surely Shirley will win you over?
Now that I’m looking at it a bit more, I might change the “cute” to “sleek.” That’s what salamanders are, aren’t they? And I like the alliteration better. 😀
I’m actually having quite a bit of trouble with that alliteration concept, so it’s really helpful to see your mind at work here as an example. In my humble opinion, I think “sleek” is perfect!
Jil, I want to express my deep appreciation for wielding your kids’ book writing talent in favor of this endeavor. Ooh, I think this limerick needs to keep going! See you on Facebook! You are too hilarious and lovely!
I’m going to report you to the doll and dog abuse center, otherwise known as D&D. Actually, that was the name of my childhood dance studio.
In the meantime, maybe you should try a firehose?
I swear on a Scooby snack that no dogs or dollies were injured in any way during the creation of this post. A little green army guy didn’t fare so well, but I have a whole bag of them so it’s all good.
Oh, man, this just keeps getting better. Also, the alarmed expression on brave Chlöe’s face when SD approaches her!
Thank you, my friend! And thank you for the diacritic as well.
She got so many cookies during the photo shoot that I may have to put her on a diet. I was worried for a minute that Spooky Dolly might go the way of a few stuffed toys, but everyone survived the action shots!